Lately, God has been teaching me things. But one of the HARDEST lessons I’ve recently learned is how painful Job 1:21 is. “…the Lord gives, and the Lord takes away.”
Whenever God speaks to me…sometimes it takes me a while to actually accept it–to completely hear it. The most recent lesson I learned took me 8 whole, long, hard months.
I lost one of my favorite friendships. It still makes my heart break every time I think about it. It began with one big perfect misunderstanding. And I laughed. And I forgave. And I apologized. And then I moved on and had hoped that she did too. But for some reason, it was never the same.
The hardest part was fighting for the friendship and feeling like I was up against a stone wall. My efforts were not reciprocated. The passionate, beautiful friendship was long gone and no matter how hard I tried to get it back…it was lost. I cried over it. I talked with solid women over breakfast about it. And what I slowly discovered was I couldn’t save it. My heart wasn’t big enough to get the friendship back.
And then a couple days ago, my best friend whispered these painful Job 1:21 words…..”Sarah, God gives and takes away. And this is Him taking away. He is trying to give you the best but you keep fighting Him. Sarah, He gives, and He takes away. Trust Him.” And I cried. Because finally, 8 months later, I got it. And finally, after fighting for the friendship for 8 months, I let it go.
And I didn’t get it. I don’t get it. He gave me my friend and made our friendship beautiful. And then all of a sudden it was gone. And it was really hard. It’s still really hard. I loved that friend and her beautiful heart. But I also realized that if God took it away, then something EVEN better is coming. Which is scary. And I honestly don’t want that something better. I just want the past. But here I am. Finally letting it go. And trusting Him to hold my heart as I mourn the loss of one of the most beautiful friendships. One day, maybe the friendship will rekindle. But for now…I’m one friend short. And finally, 8 months later, that’s okay.