Nursing school breaks you. It humbles you..makes you become a fighter. I know at the end of this journey I will say it went by quickly. But I also know at the end of this, I will say it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s not this one prayer and done for the day kind of thing. I’ve only made it this far by having constant conversation with God, asking for strength, asking for grace.
I’ve had to learn how to pick myself out of bed on the hard days, pushing myself to study when my entire body is craving sleep. I know you’ve probably read a blog or Facebook status from a nursing student before…probably about how draining getting up at 4am for clinicals after studying all night for a test can be. I’m not here to preach anything differently, but simply to break loose of the devil’s zipties that have unfortunately been around my soul this past semester.
I decided to go into nursing school because after way too many credit hours and flirting around with different majors, I still didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. What I did know was that I didn’t want to graduate with a degree I couldn’t use. So, I applied to nursing school (not just for that reason, don’t worry). And now I have officially completed my first semester and it. was. glorious.
The first month I was fired up, ready to conquer every class, every assignment, every exam. But then things started piling up as they always so quickly do and I was struggling to keep myself from drowning in my textbooks. As finals rolled around, I didn’t benchmark for my first Hesi. And I was DESTROYED. My pride was completely demolished and I started to think about if I had too much pride for my own good. I realized more than ever how pride truly keeps us from God’s will, especially when His will isn’t what WE want. Yes we are selfish beings, but I personally believe that pride whispers louder lies than selfishness does.
However, God was good. Duh. Big surprise, I know. One of my friends reminded me of how beautiful challenges can be and how we are supposed to count them all as joy. JOY! Honestly, I had forgotten all about James 1 and the truth that it proclaims. Sometimes we just don’t want to accept the promises that God has made us…especially when we are experiencing trials and don’t quite see God in them at the time.
Throughout it all though, I gradually learned how to view trials as challenges, always keeping James 1 close. I found friends who were completely encouraging, true friends who believed in me when I didn’t want to. It’s been a beautiful season of growth and I am thankful for the One who has ultimately gotten me through it. But more than that, I became a fighter. And by learning how to fight for myself during the dark days, I will be able to fight for others on their dark days too.
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. — James 1: 2-4 ESV